Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
