I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
