hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize