just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
