I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I have post one night stand depression
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