Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
