I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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