if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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