Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
