Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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