i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize