Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
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