He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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