I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
