so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
