She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
