I'm drive I can fine osifer
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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