Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
