DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
