I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
