Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
