dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
