i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I've blown a few things in my day
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
