I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
my shit smells like andre
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
