Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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