I wanna bring you to show and tell
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize