Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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