Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
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