your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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