ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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