The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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