I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
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