Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
