after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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