Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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