my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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