Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
