please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
