it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
