she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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