Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
