reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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