If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
