Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
