Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
