he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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