cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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