I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
