I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize