I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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