it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
