I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
