Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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