im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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