What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
