guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
