bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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