i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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