The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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