there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
