Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
