I'm jealous of your bromance
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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