no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
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