i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
