Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
