I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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