ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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