Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I look better un-naked...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
