I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
