And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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