There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
