ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
