Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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