I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
