I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
