every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
