I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
