She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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