Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
BRING THE BAGELS
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
