This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize