dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
im about as happy as oj after his trial
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
