i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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