I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
