i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
