I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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