i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize