he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Randomize
