Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
