You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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