I'm eating all of the evidence.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
