Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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