I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
