Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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