Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
