remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
