hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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