Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
