Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize