While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
God, I missed his penis.
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