For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
