My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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