i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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